precious tears fallen...

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assalamualaikum~

 first, I seriously had no mood to post anything, but thinking of something made me do it. you know why? HOMESICKNESS! waaaa~ I miss my mum, my family, my bed, my room and etc.! plus the problems here in IPG aren't helping me with this sickness ==''' thank you very much. my heart is still not at ease right now, and I feel like calling my mum. but it's quite late now and I know that she had already fallen asleep and I don't want to disturb her. maybe tomorrow morning I may call her. insyaALLAH. huhuhuu~

 secondly, my old nightmare is haunting and taunting me back >< the friend whom I had betrayed and crushed had come back to taunt me. why?! huhuuu~ oh well, I think it's because of karma. ain't it a beach? grrrr~ I think I have no luck finding friends, some may be crushed and betrayed by me or before I could do it, they had done it first to me. I am quite used to it now, as if it was already implanted in me. really. and of course the sadness and tears will still accompany me. my trusted companions. huhuhuu~ now even my new friends here is... never mind. let bygones just be bygones...

 third, the other day I reminisced about my dad. why? because I am the only one in my class that had no father now. I always been jealous towards my friends, got a call from their dads, and when people asked what does your father do, I always had to confess the truth... that I had no father. I always tried to fake a smile, but behind the painted smile, there's always tears wanting to come out. whenever people are asking whether I am okay or not, I always lie, just to take care of their hearts. I really miss my dad. now I realised that having a dad is as important as having a mother as well. back then, I always provoked my dad and made him mad. but now I regret all those things and I haven't had the chance to say sorry to him. *tears* I tried to be strong but I had my limits. whenever it's about someone I love, friends or family, I will always lose to my tears. I wish I could turn back time and be with him, spend all those lost time with him again. but ALLAH knows what's best for me. hope all goes well for me from now on. aminn~ I hope I have someone now to help me stay strong, the only ones I had is still left back at my hometown. and the ones here aren't really that reliable. ya ALLAH, please protect me and bless me with all your might. forgive my father and let him be with the pious ones. aminn~

 that is all for today... good night.

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