unseen, unheard, unreached...
bismillahirahmanirahim...
damn it's been busy for the past couple of weeks! arghhhh! ya ALLAH, please ease up everything for me! huhuhuu~
sometimes, I really wish that I was gone... not existed in this cruel world. my childish behaviour really had gone out of mind. I know sometimes it would be the most annoying thing to you guys. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. but please don't worry about me. I am nothing to you guys. my tears are nothing to you guys. just let me be and walk pass me. treat me like a garbage, a trash, a worthless thing. I'm not giving up yet, it's just I'm giving up on you. I've been hurt too much, especially when it comes to friends. I've been punched, kicked, spitted. it's just nothing. but when I'm being ignored, especially when it comes to my friends, it really hurt much. sometimes I wish that I would just be someone that you guys don't know, that I would not be hurt by...
being ignored by someone you know and someone you care about is really hurting. it hurts more than being sliced and cut into pieces. I really love myself till I don't want myself to be hurt anymore. I rather be alone than be hurt by someone I care and love anymore...
it's not that I'm seeking attention, it's that I need attention. but I know you wouldn't understand the feeling. you are young and I am old. I've been through so much that me myself couldn't handle it. I know Allah swt had given me this much just for me to learn what is the reality of life...
it's true. but when you lost them in early stage of your life, you of course wouldn't realize it, until you reach that point of life when you can feel the bitterness of life. the loss of my dad was not that big of a deal when I was still 14. when time went by, till then I realized how big of a deal the loss of a father is. I still remember the times before my father's burial, I was at my grandparents' house. my father was lying there, still as a statue. my mum was not at sight and I was still reciting the yassiin, tears coming out. unreal tears. tears of being coherent with others. till the time of his burial, the cloth in his face was opened for me and my family to bid my father the last goodbye we could give, by kissing his cold, bare forehead. when my lips touched it, the coldness of death was felt and I could do nothing for it. by the time for my mother to kiss the the love of her life, she cried. she cried till we had to hug her, just to comfort her. the time when the cloth needed to be close, I felt that that was my last time for me to see his face. the face of our guardian...
well, I felt all the pain and sorrow when I am really far from my family now. ya ALLAH, please help me to endure all of this. by hook or by crook, I still want to live to help my father. help him by doing good things to myself and to others who know him. I want to do good so that he could be spared when the time comes. ya ALLAH, please, forgive his sins and place him with the pious. and ALLAH, please ease up everything for me and don't make it more complicated. aminn...
damn it's been busy for the past couple of weeks! arghhhh! ya ALLAH, please ease up everything for me! huhuhuu~
I am loud, but unheard... I am clear, but unseen... I am here, but unreached...
sometimes, I really wish that I was gone... not existed in this cruel world. my childish behaviour really had gone out of mind. I know sometimes it would be the most annoying thing to you guys. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. but please don't worry about me. I am nothing to you guys. my tears are nothing to you guys. just let me be and walk pass me. treat me like a garbage, a trash, a worthless thing. I'm not giving up yet, it's just I'm giving up on you. I've been hurt too much, especially when it comes to friends. I've been punched, kicked, spitted. it's just nothing. but when I'm being ignored, especially when it comes to my friends, it really hurt much. sometimes I wish that I would just be someone that you guys don't know, that I would not be hurt by...
being ignored by someone you know and someone you care about is really hurting. it hurts more than being sliced and cut into pieces. I really love myself till I don't want myself to be hurt anymore. I rather be alone than be hurt by someone I care and love anymore...
"...don't say that not crying is strength"
it's not that I'm seeking attention, it's that I need attention. but I know you wouldn't understand the feeling. you are young and I am old. I've been through so much that me myself couldn't handle it. I know Allah swt had given me this much just for me to learn what is the reality of life...
you'll learn the true meaning of life when you lost someone you love...
it's true. but when you lost them in early stage of your life, you of course wouldn't realize it, until you reach that point of life when you can feel the bitterness of life. the loss of my dad was not that big of a deal when I was still 14. when time went by, till then I realized how big of a deal the loss of a father is. I still remember the times before my father's burial, I was at my grandparents' house. my father was lying there, still as a statue. my mum was not at sight and I was still reciting the yassiin, tears coming out. unreal tears. tears of being coherent with others. till the time of his burial, the cloth in his face was opened for me and my family to bid my father the last goodbye we could give, by kissing his cold, bare forehead. when my lips touched it, the coldness of death was felt and I could do nothing for it. by the time for my mother to kiss the the love of her life, she cried. she cried till we had to hug her, just to comfort her. the time when the cloth needed to be close, I felt that that was my last time for me to see his face. the face of our guardian...
well, I felt all the pain and sorrow when I am really far from my family now. ya ALLAH, please help me to endure all of this. by hook or by crook, I still want to live to help my father. help him by doing good things to myself and to others who know him. I want to do good so that he could be spared when the time comes. ya ALLAH, please, forgive his sins and place him with the pious. and ALLAH, please ease up everything for me and don't make it more complicated. aminn...
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