Read, Write and Recite

bismillahirahmanirahim... long time no see, my blog. I kinda miss you. I kinda miss writing. informally, not academically... I've been pondering over some words that kept banging onto my ear drums since this morning: "...those who likes to post so much are attention seekers/seeking for attentions." when I reflect that upon myself, I thought of something... "maybe I do need some eyes to see me. to watch over me. to care for me." it's not that I'm blaming the person who said this or something... it's just- it hit me straight to the heart. "was I being sincere...?"   when I posted stuffs on Facebook, Twitter and such, honestly, I do seek for 'likes'. why? because I need someone to notice me. I would be kinda disappointed when no one likes my post, sincerely. I didn't know when and how did I become like this... was it since my father passed away...? was it since that unfaithful incident that I dare not to talk ab...

bismillahirahmanirahim... damn it's been busy for the past couple of weeks! arghhhh! ya ALLAH, please ease up everything for me! huhuhuu~ I am loud, but unheard... I am clear, but unseen... I am here, but unreached... sometimes, I really wish that I was gone... not existed in this cruel world. my childish behaviour really had gone out of mind. I know sometimes it would be the most annoying thing to you guys. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. but please don't worry about me. I am nothing to you guys. my tears are nothing to you guys. just let me be and walk pass me. treat me like a garbage, a trash, a worthless thing. I'm not giving up yet, it's just I'm giving up on you. I've been hurt too much, especially when it comes to friends. I've been punched, kicked, spitted. it's just nothing. but when I'm being ignored, especially when it comes to my friends, it really hurt much. sometimes I wish that I would just be someone that you guys ...

BISMILLAHIRAHMANIRAHIM! assalamualaikuuuuum and a very very good morrow! How many notes written . . . ink smeared like birdprints in snow. not good enough not pretty enough not smart enough dear mother and father. I apologize for disappointing you. I've worked very hard, not good enough harder, perhaps to please you. If only I were a son, shoulders broad as the sunset threading through pine, I would see the light in my mother's eyes, or the golden pride reflected in my father's dream of my wide, male hands worthy of work and comfort. I would swagger through life muscled and bold and assured, drawing praises to me like currents in the bed of wind, virile with confidence. not good enough not strong enough not good enough I apologize. Tasks do not come easily. Each failure, a glacier. Each disapproval, a bootprint. Each disappointment, ice above my river. So I have worked hard. not good enough. My sacrifice I ...

bismillahirahmanirahim...! assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh and good evening, people! wewitt! fuhhhhh~ let me calm myself down first... OH YEAHHHHHHHHHHH! alhamdulillah ! I'm going back to my beloved and lovely hometown this semester break! yeayyyyyyy! free from stress, even for a week only! huhuu~ gonna do all sorts of things when I get back, play games such as MapleStory and DotA, watch movies and dramas, plus animes also! hehee XD then, gonna spend time with my family and friends as well! I really miss you Syifa, Shiqin, Nana and Anie! when I get back, lets hangout and play some more! hehehe XD again, I wanna say thank you Allah and my mum also ^^ if it weren't for her, I wouldn't be able to go back! huhu~ dearest mother, I love you so and if I were to be a teacher later on, insyaALLAH I will pay you back, in any way! love you lots mummy! hehehe XD Its good to leave each day behind, like flowing water, free of sadness. Yesterday is gone & its tale...

bismillahirahmanirahim... assalamualaikum and a very good night, humans! I've been so busy and tired lately! when will I have time for myself? ㅠㅠ today although don't have much classes, but I felt so tired and it's been so hectic as well. assignments, presentations, homework, etc.. those were the things, correction, PART of the things that I need to do! gahhhhh! it haven't included some of the personal stuffs. but I think today was the day that all of those messed up things in my mind burst! this was what had happened today... it was Learning Support class today and Miss Amrien thought that we might play some games in class, but miss noticed that we looked very tired and frustrated so she guessed that our mind and body might have been feeling disoriented because of the work and problems. so, the game had to be halted first. first, miss asked us to take out a piece of paper, any paper and let us write the things that was in our head that could make us be like that...

assalamualaikum~ first, I seriously had no mood to post anything, but thinking of something made me do it. you know why? HOMESICKNESS! waaaa~ I miss my mum, my family, my bed, my room and etc.! plus the problems here in IPG aren't helping me with this sickness ==''' thank you very much. my heart is still not at ease right now, and I feel like calling my mum. but it's quite late now and I know that she had already fallen asleep and I don't want to disturb her. maybe tomorrow morning I may call her. insyaALLAH. huhuhuu~ secondly, my old nightmare is haunting and taunting me back >< the friend whom I had betrayed and crushed had come back to taunt me. why?! huhuuu~ oh well, I think it's because of karma. ain't it a beach? grrrr~ I think I have no luck finding friends, some may be crushed and betrayed by me or before I could do it, they had done it first to me. I am quite used to it now, as if it was already implanted in me. really. and of course...